Monday, June 29, 2009

I don't really do pain well.

About three weeks ago, I had an unfortunate incident and ended up hurting my back. I was down and out for a few days, but got some pain pills and a good massage and was starting to bounce back pretty well. Then, BAM, literally. I was in a car accident last week, interestingly enough, after leaving a massage appointment. I wasn't seriously hurt, but apparently my back was jarred or something. Since then, I have been in almost constant pain. Not stabbing through the heart pain where you can't breathe it hurts so bad (think: labor), but a constant, dull, throbbing pain. I think I'd almost rather have a few days of bad pain than 2 weeks of constant pain. My back pain has become the unwelcome companion to my days. It follows me around while I try to work. It makes it's presence known when I sit in a chair for more than about 10 minutes. It impolitely taps me on the shoulder when I stand for more than 10 minutes. It kicks me in the shins every time I wake up in the morning and roll out of bed like my 86 year old grandmother might.

Here's what constant pain does to me. It makes me terribly crabby. It also frustrates me to the point of tears. Physically, I guess I'm tough enough to take it, but mentally, I'm starting to come unglued. I don't like that I'm unable to perform my daily routine without pain. I spend my days dreaming not of warm sunny beaches and frozen drinks, but of ice packs and heating pads. I count the number of hours until I can go home, take a Vicodan, and lay down. I'm becoming a terrible wife and mother because I have no patience for anything except pain relievers. And all this makes me terribly, terribly sad. I'm sorry to anyone I am neglecting or snapping at. I wish I could change this behavior. I want to. I just don't do pain very well, I guess.


Mimi said...

I am so sorry. Praying it will feel better very soon.

Tracy said...

Yikes. Hope your meds (and some wine) give you some much needed relief.

Tamara @ Watching the Grass Grow said...

Wow, Tobye--sorry about the car accident on top of everything. Take care of yourself and don't push it--back pain is nothing to mess around with. I know I'm preaching to the choir.