Thursday, October 9, 2008

I'm not superwoman, and that's okay.

I'm not superwoman.

There. I said it. I'm not superwoman. It's taken me many years and many exhausted days to come to this realization. I suffer from a very stupid preconceived notion that we women have to "do it all". And not only do it all, but do it all well, and without stress or complaining. This thinking has led to some very dark times for me, some disturbing meltdowns, and general feelings of inadequacy and sadness.

But, it's over now. I can't do it all. Yep, I said it again. I can't. And I'm not going to try. All it does it make me hate everyone, including myself.

How did I come to this realization? Well, I'm not sure, but I did something the other day I had not done in ten years of marriage and three children. I delegated. I had too much to do, and instead of trying to do it all myself, which is my usual pattern, I went to Rusty and told him what needed to be done and what I wanted him to do about it. And he did it. Did he do it exactly like I would have wanted it done? Well, no. But, did the world stop spinning because of it? No.

So basically, I've tried to do everything myself for years, because I thought that's what women (wives, mothers, whatever) were supposed to do. I thought that asking for help, or admitting that I was overwhelmed was a sign to everyone that I sucked as a mom, wife, boss, whatever. I bought into the stupid stereotype about bringing home the bacon and frying it up in a pan, forgetting that I hate to cook and would never fry anything because the grease splatters and I would have to clean up the mess. And, I'm going to ask for help again. And again. Because asking for help from your supposed partner in all this mess isn't really asking for help at all. It's asking them to contribute equally to the partnership you have created. And if he doesn't like it, well, I can't worry about that. And if he doesn't do everything the way I envision, I can't worry about that either. I just know that I can't keep trying to do everything, because all it adds up to is one very cranky Tobye, and a lifetime of resentment. And I'm not going to do that anymore.


Anonymous said...

Good for you, girl! I'm terrible about asking for help, but when I do, I feel so much better.

Mimi said...

I hope you can continue to delegate. I have spent the majority of my life trying to do everything and wearing myself out, getting headaches, building up stress, etc. I truly hope that I was not the bad example that made you think you had to be a superwoman. I love you, my daughter.

Tracy said...

You may not be Superwoman, but you are a super woman. You have a great career, 3 beautiful wonderful children, active in your church and community, and you are very giving of your time. Keep delegating to the hubby and even to the kids, but also take a step back and be proud of all you do.